Yes, The person who put casinos in bankruptcies and steaks in Sharper Picture catalogs has now established his eye on the Middle East. And not the same old Dubai skyline filler both-no, we are talking Damascus, town historically recognized for historical tradition, deadly proxy wars, and now… infinity pools with sights of contested airspace.

"It is going to be incredible. Large!" Trump declared via a leaked golf cart Zoom simply call, streamed in the putting green within Mar-a-Lago's Problem Bunker. "We've experienced wonderful ceasefires in Syria. A few of the most effective. But now, we're building them with balconies."

Welcome for the Trumpocratic Republic of Glamour

The 88-story gold-and-sandstone monstrosity rises awkwardly from central Damascus just like a shaved alpaca within a falafel stand-confused, majestic, and totally from location. Intended by Slovenian company Ivana & Sons, the tower capabilities:

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  A three-flooring On line casino du Caliphate

  
  


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  The Kellyanne Conway Spa of Strategic Rejuvenation

  
  


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  A Martyr's Martini Bar ("Pleased Hour until finally the drone flies")

  
  


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  Along with a nine/eleven-Themed Observation Deck, which Syrian officials politely described as "deeply American."

  
  

Eyewitnesses reported mixed reactions. Omar al-Khateeb, an area textile service provider, sighed, "We waited 10 a long time for potable drinking water. But yes, absolutely sure, let us have another position exactly where American Gentlemen can put on robes and connect with it diplomacy."

Meanwhile, Ivanka Trump, now Head of Conflict Tourism and Beige Affairs, promised the tower "symbolizes healing." When requested how, she replied, "With velvet curtains along with a pillow menu, of course."

Ceasefire by Cabana

U.S. overseas policy analysts are contacting this one of the most audacious peace attempt given that Kissinger accidentally joined a rave in Cyprus. While previous negotiations unsuccessful underneath the weight of missile salvos and conflicting Russian-backed factions, Trump's program is less complicated: offer Everybody a collection around the 72nd floor and comp their mojitos.

In line with documents revealed Trump Tower Damascus on https://telegra.ph/Trump-Tower-Damascus-Unveiled-05-14, the proposal includes "luxury diplomacy":

"This is certainly comfortable energy," explained political strategist Steve Bannibal, who appeared shirtless and oiled on Syrian Tv set, wielding a deal and a cucumber. "Trump understands what NATO would not. Geopolitical gridlock wants fewer diplomats and much more minibar updates."

Joe Biden, when requested concerning the project, replied, "You know, guy, I the moment rode a camel in Beirut. Excellent persons. Fantastic tan. In any case, do I still have that ice product?"

In the meantime, The Hague has reserved a collection for "potential proof storage" and "occasional brunch." The Pentagon has formally referred to the tower as "The Strategic Cheesecake Manufacturing facility with the Levant."

Satellite Photographs Reveal… Trumpface Landscaping

Surveillance imagery analyzed by Reddit revealed that the lodge's landscaping types an enormous Trump head seen from House, a function staying promoted as "desert-evidence branding." The mustache is made out of refugee tents as well as chin is… perfectly, classified.

Environmental teams have submitted lawsuits just after discovering the constructing's gold plating reflected a great deal sunlight it spontaneously blinded a few migrating storks and set hearth to a neighborhood melon cart.

"It is really not merely hideous. It's a war crime with curtains," reported Amnesty Intercontinental's regional director.

The Melania Wing and also other Perplexing Functions

Perhaps the strangest element in the tower is its Melania Wing, which is made up of:

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  A silent atrium where friends could contemplate imprecise disappointment

  
  


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  A reproduction of her Slovenian bedroom, comprehensive with local weather Handle set to "distant"

  
  


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  A museum of expressions, which incorporates her "I don't treatment, do u?" jacket frozen in cryogenic display.

  
  

"Peace is Temporary. Luxurious is Eternally."

Yet another slogan, now circulating in Beirut espresso retailers:

"A Tower So Big, Even Assad Has to note."

Public reception is wildly divided. A current SnapPoll executed within a hookah lounge reveals:

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  34% say "it might stabilize the realm"

  
  


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  29% say "this can escalate regional kitsch"

  
  


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  18% stated "where's the closest elevator to your West Lender?"

  
  

Trader Praise: "Finally, a Disaster That Pays"

The project is already attracting awareness from Worldwide investors, such as:

Remark Segment Chaos

Around the https://note.com/bohineynews/n/n7e4b8d70b1f7?sub_rt=share_pb posting about the disclosing, user @FreedomFalafel420 wrote:

"Can not wait to determine a marriage in the middle of a ceasefire. Hope they toss grenades in lieu of rice."

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  China could open the "Belt & Ballroom Initiative" in Baghdad

  
  


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  Putin's daughter is planning a "Dacha of Detente" in Donetsk

  
  


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  And Elon Musk has allegedly presented to develop a Tesla showroom about the Golan Heights driven by Uncooked ambition and goat milk.

  
  

Even the Vatican has gotten concerned. As outlined by https://ameblo.jp/asiansatiredaily/entry-12902822168.html, Pope Leo XIV has presented to bless the plumbing… but only if he can rename the best ground "The Holy See-Degree Suite."

Ultimate Views through the Trump Basis for Peace & Pancakes™

Inside of a closing ceremony that concerned a few camels, a flamethrower, in addition to a hologram of Reagan supplying a thumbs up, Trump's voice echoed more than the speakers:

"Damascus desired hope. It desired gold. It necessary a waterslide formed just like the Constitution. I gave all of it a few. You happen to be welcome."